Daddies Princess

Wow. It feels like just yesterday my Mom drove me out here and took me to my interview at La Senza. (Within a week I knew that that was just NOT going to work.) Soon after, I decided to join my roommate at Matrix as an office assistant. As odd and lame as it sounds… this job has been a saving grace during my stay in Calgary. I’ve learned how to fit in, in an office environment and I feel as though I’ve taught several of the people here that looks can be deceiving. Just because my hair is two different colours and I have several piercings, does not mean that I’m an outlaw or an unintelligent child - it simply means that I have chosen to present myself in ways that differ from the norm. One of the biggest perks of this job, has been meeting someone who I predict to be a lifelong friend. She too, looked past my age and exterior to treat me like a human being as opposed to a bratty teenager (a claim to which I can’t entirely refute). She has taught me about relationships (of all kinds), religion, psychosis and most of all, myself. I can never say ‘Thank You’ enough, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying.

Being in Calgary has taught me a lot about the world and about the people inhabiting our planet. Coming from a small town, it’s easy to feel as if you’re the star of your very own “Truman Show”; what I mean, is that it’s very easy to feel singled out. Whereas Calgary is so big that people hardly give you the time of day! As odd as it sounds, it can be quite refreshing to walk around a busy area and not have roaming eyes meet your own. It’s nice to know that people have better things to do than judge at a first hand glance and worry about microscopic gossip details.

With this new (more) relaxed sense of self, I met my new favourite person: Ashley Wright. He found me on Nexopia and we started talking about music. From there, we went to the bar, where (towards the end of the night) he got up the courage and kissed me while we were dancing. The past 8.5 months have been a dream! Of course, we’ve fought, argued, cried and screamed… but it always ends in hugs and kisses! He is the most calm, rational, shy person I have ever met and I fear losing him more than anything on this planet. (Ok, maybe there are a few people/things that rank slightly above him, but he is DEFINITELY top 5!) We’re destined for long-distance, which never gets rave reviews, but he’s worth it to me.

Which brings me to ‘The Fear’… I am so scared to move back. School, old friends, new/old living arrangements, bars, lack of cash, long-distance relationship… these are all in my immediate future and most of them are entirely new experiences for me. They say not to fear change - which I generally don’t – but how am I supposed to stay sane when I’ll feel as though half of me is gone? I know, I know… I can’t live for my boyfriend and 8.5 months really isn’t very long! It’s just that I’ve never met anyone like him and I’ve never heard of a relationship quite like ours… for example, we’re both 18 and we’ve been living together for 3 or 4 months and now we probably won’t see each other until Christmas!  

*Sigh* I suppose that my fear is rational, normal even. I even know that I will get over it and that school is going to be a blast! I guess for the next two weeks I shall try to harness my nervous energy into excitement and adrenaline… After all, who knows what the future will bring me?